Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The New Hotness — Real-Life Zombies

I'm a big fan of gore. I like bloody, speculative horror stories, depicting vicious decapitations and unthinkably inhumane situations, particularly in which people are forced to do some crazy shit to avoid being eaten, eviscerated, impaled, disemboweled, shredded and generally butchered. Hence I really like the Living Dead series, Re-Animator, Hellraiser, anything by David Cronenberg, Dario Argento or Lucio Fulci, and other exploitive horror films.

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On the heels of seeing Land of the Dead (Romero's latest extravagance) the other day, I was doing some research (READ: interweb surfing) into whether or not an actual human resurrection could ever be a realistic, or even contemplated, scenario. I was invariably led to the Safar Center for Resuscitation Research, which is not surprisingly and probably not coincidently located in Romero's beloved Pittsburgh.

Check it out
HERE. I'm particularly fond of the following line from the organization's mission statement:
To understand the mechanisms of cell death after catastrophic insults such as traumatic brain injury, cardiac arrest or severe hemorrhage, with a particular focus on how cerebral neurons die...and...To design and evaluate new mechanism-directed therapies for the above insults, including studies in experimental laboratory, clinical, and field settings.

Then, just a day later, I was literally astonished when a friend of mine (the Biscuit) forwarded me this curious STORY. Umm, okay, cool. I'm down with that. But wait a minute, what in the motherfucking name of John Carpenter is going on here? We are now capable of bringing dead animals back to life?

A million questions are, even now, flooding my head. Do they eat brains? Can they be destroyed with a bullet to the head? Are they slow moving? Did the scientists name one "Bub?" I am dazzled and excited, frustrated and fascinated? I am so scared that I currently have to shit my pants.

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Through further research, I also discovered that the United States has a federal department dedicated to research, prevention and combat of vampires and zombies. There was once a vaccination for vamps. This is not a fucking joke, people! Learn as much as you can and prepare yourself. This unnatural pandemic is on its way in. Thankfully, help is available for some of you greenpeas:
The Zombie Survival Guide.

Go with Zod.
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